Everyone is capable of creating miracles...for themselves

touching on the power of will, and clear state of mind. How those two things used correctly can demolish roadblocks for anybody.

Tonight is a disjointed night. Time has not passed smoothly in the later hours and I am restless. My mind even after my meditation is still going. I had this idea over the weekend about writing this piece on willpower. The incredible things it can drive us to accomplish. I discovered how powerful mine was in my early twenties. I was not living well and if I had not tasted a glimpse of the power I would grow into when I did, I firmly believe I would not be here to write this.

So I want to take you back with me, to twenty-three. I was in a toxic marriage, co-dependent with my narcissistic partner and we both had a pretty serious heroin addiction. My husband at the time, had recently had trouble with the law and as a result, wound up behind bars. I was, for lack of a more profound word, lost. He was the one who went daily to get the fix we both had become so dependent on and now, I didn’t have him to make that daily run. About three days of being miserable went by, and I somehow got up the courage to get the drugs myself. This was the day my life changed. I went and picked up the day’s fix. Eighty dollars worth to be exact and made it back to the house. Normally the bathroom was where we set up and got high. So like always, I grabbed the kit from under the sink. Piece by piece, I set out the tools in the makeshift kit. The spoon, the tourniquet to tie off with, the lighter, and a new sharp. Yet that day was different. I was alone. My partner who was also willing to inject poison into their body was not with me, and this was no longer a group activity.

Call it intervention from the divine, call it right time right place, but that day, when I sat down on the floor to get high I used the carpet in front of me to put the tools down on, which faced me towards the bathroom door. The back of the door had a full-length mirror attached to it, normally when my husband and I would do this together, we used the ledge on the tub and had our backs to the door. I had never faced the door before which meant, I had never watched myself in the mirror getting high. That day, I did. I watched myself through each step, and then when it came time to inject the drug into my system, I caught the image of myself in the mirror at that moment. I could not finish the act. Watching myself put poison in my body, stopped me from doing it. I couldn’t stand the person in that reflection and didn't recognize her anymore. I snapped the sharp in half, flushed the drugs, and threw the tools away… I made my mind up there and then on my bathroom floor that I was done. The following two weeks were the most miserable in my life thus far, but I wanted to be more than the junkie in that mirror. I wanted that more than my body’s chemical dependence on the drug. I knew I was better than that girl. That knowledge and the strength in my desire to be better, to heal from that addiction are the two things that sustained me through the withdrawal.

I share that moment in time to paint a picture of willpower. If I had not wanted it badly enough, that drug would have taken me over. I was the only force stopping me from relapsing. My family had written me off, there was no one to call or lean on through getting clean. It was hell and many nights I prayed I would not wake up, just to see the next morning and be sick once more the moment my eyes were open. It would have been easy to give in and continue to live in that addiction. It would have been easier still to hide the guilt of giving in to the urge to use, within that drug use and living in the addiction. Breaking out of that life and healing from that addiction, changed everything. I left my husband, I patched bridges with my family, and I straightened my life out enough to hold down a decent job. I started earning back things my choices had cost me. That was almost ten years ago. It’s been a long road but my power and my belief in myself have carried me this far. The clarity of my desire to be better is still one of the most valuable life lessons I ever learned and this was still fairly early on in my studies of witchcraft and the occult. Yet it demonstrated to me just how much could be achieved in the proper state of mind.

Magic in many ways works the same way for us. Willpower is what makes many things in the occult possible for the individual. When something is deeply desired or deemed necessary, it becomes set firmly in our mind and that makes making it a reality not only possible but it makes it easier as well. You have to want to make things happen. You have to have patience to keep doing the work. Most things in magic are not instantaneous. Most skills and or talents an individual can develop take many many nights of sitting down to do the work. Most of that work is mental work and that’s why a clear mind or phrased differently, well-defined intention, and strong desire are so important. Those things begin and sustain themselves in the mind. The more you truly want to achieve these mental stepping stones, the easier they will come over time. If you don’t want it bad enough, eventually you will let the exercises and time to practice fall aside. Things will never happen and you will never receive confirmation of ability or success. The entire body is covered in muscle and we use those non-stop. The mind is another muscle and it is used just as often. Using the mind in ways that do not require being present in this realm takes more effort. There is no clear direction for any one person. However with that said, anything is possible for anybody. I threw myself into my studies and worked on my talents with my craft. I stayed sober because of that. Getting sober was my first display of proof that I had power. I could make real change by deciding I wanted that change bad enough. You’re probably thinking “That’s what they say about every addict, they have to want to change” and it’s a true statement. Repeated far too much probably but it isn’t often wrong. That is not my point but it is where it started for me. I started manifesting things for myself, I started healing myself with herbs and energy work. Finding moments of peace through stillness and energy practices.

Magic asks you to sit alone a lot. That is hard for people to do sometimes. We are after all social creatures. The very reason I sit here getting so raw and open with you now. It is so worth doing. Please take the time and sit alone in a dark room with only a single candle lit. Let the candle flame flicker and get lost watching it dance around. Observe as your vision blurs and dances with that flame. See if you can feel the subtle shift inside of you and within the room as your energy begins to match the energy of your surroundings. The more I read in those days about intention being such an important factor in being able to successfully manifest and cast spells and have successful rituals, the more I realized how strong I was becoming. I acknowledge how less inclined I became to give up on things or quit prematurely. I pushed myself in my magic and my small achievements with my gifts and control of my power fueled growth in my life in all other areas. It led me to discover my passion for holistic lifestyles and medicine, which is where I have also found my focus is most useful. I am a healer for many, in many different ways but none of that would be possible right now if I had not set it firmly in my mind all those years ago that I wanted to be different, better, clean. I wanted to live again and I wanted it with everything I had in me. My addiction already isolated me, so as I repaired myself and my life I turned that isolation into an opportunity to understand how my power worked and how to use it for my best interest.

Find the things about magic that give you the undefinable sense of awe and wonder that you’re looking for. Magic will leave you speechless. It will mystify you and leave you deeply in love with finding out more. Learning more and experiencing the spiritual, the mystical, and the unknown over and over again. I hope you keep trying, and keep sitting alone with yourself. I hope you keep asking yourself what you want, and set that firmly in your mind, like the idea has cement shoes. Don’t let go of the strength of your desire. Idolize it and think about it every day. Write it down, several times, and go over the goals often. Work the energy around you to the outcome of that goal and continue to work on balancing the energy within yourself to better hold the raised energy that is used to send out ripples in the connected network. There are so many ways to experience the things I discuss with you. It is hard to cover all of them or even touch on them appropriately without ending up with a book. I want that for you though. I want you to want to feel connected with all that we can not see with natural eyes alone to a degree that nothing is impossible. I want you to walk away from this piece with a renewed outlook on what you are capable of accomplishing and doing for yourself. How much power that every one of us carry inside. Miracles seem like miracles because they lack logical explanation. That doesn’t mean they don’t have an explanation, it only means that the explanation can not be confirmed and therefore is not backed by any common authority. Create your miracles, and create thousands of them. Accept that you are your own god if you just tap into that strength and set your mind firmly. I want to inspire you to prove to yourself that there is no such thing as no.